The past does not disappear. It is useless to try to forget strokes the insult. Due to the psycholo

How to forgive those who have deceived us, betrayed, hurt or offended us? I asked the French psychoanalysts Gabrielle Rubin and Nicole Fabre, each of which has recently published a book on the subject.
Forgiveness actually frees us from suffering, pain, anger, contempt and malice. Despite the fact - they want our forgiveness, we forgive or on its own initiative, the decision is always the result of a complex inner work on yourself, the outcome of which is not known in advance. We sincerely strokes desire to forgive, but not always what we are given.
This process is partly unconscious and "success" depends not on the degree of the offense and the power of our experiences. strokes One refers to life as a constant struggle, while another sees it as a losing battle. Depends on - Can any of them to forgive their parents.
Forgetting is not an option. If we cause pain, it is useless to give the appearance that nothing has happened. Forgiveness takes time. Too quick forgiveness is illusory strokes and can turn against us. This is an inside job. It is not easy, but ultimately frees us and gives us the strength to live on. 1. Decide to stop suffering
While the offense torment us, it is impossible to go on the road to forgiveness. strokes But how do we end this? The first step can be a conscious decision: to stop suffering, to stop experiencing pain, insult and injustice. Sometimes this leads to rupture or separation from one who causes us pain. In the end, to the abuser (mother ignored us for many years, the chief who has violated his promise ...) we feel helpless and suffering just paralyze us. In some special cases where there is a risk of physical or mental health us, the only way to pass this first step is to compel the offender to answer for their actions through judicial procedure. Forgiveness of the one who is cruel to us and appeal to the court / police do not contradict each other. In fact, as the French writer and philosopher Simone Weil - "just might be just what they may be punished." The Court can not determine guilt and to punish the offender, but forgiveness can give the victim and if he wishes. 2. Admit that you are doing something wrong
The past does not disappear. It is useless to try to forget strokes the insult. Due to the psychological defense strokes mechanism of suffering, hatred strokes and bitterness are crammed into the subconscious, where they continue to act with even greater destructive power. We need to recognize that the guilt of the person who caused us harm - it is necessary to live on. As explained Gabrielle Rubin - this enables us "returning guilt offended us back - to restore the relationship with yourself." Furthermore, it avoids the development of psychosomatic diseases or behaviors that lead to repeated failures in the operation strokes and the relationship. Forgive, we take care of their health. Forgiveness brings relief to our soul. Furthermore, strokes according to scientists, is curative for our body. Forgive offended us, we get new strength not only in spiritual, but also in the physical sense - it confirms research strokes professor of psychology strokes at Hope College - USA - Charlotte van Oyen Witvliet.Nad 70 men and women consistently been "immersed" in four conditions - an active experience of abuse, thoughts strokes of revenge, strokes compassion and forgiveness - and also measured their pulse rate, blood pressure, sweating and muscle tone. Psychologists found stable physiological differences between states irremissibility and forgiveness. The very recollection of offended them, the participants in the experiment is disruption of the cardiovascular system. These changes strokes became even more significant when you think about revenge. "If you are willing to make the effort to forgive, you will necessarily feel what benefit will bring forgiveness of your mental health strokes and your physical health" - is confident Charlotte van Oyen Witvliet. 3. Express your anger
Feel the anger and even hatred for your "executioner" - in other words, accept and "decompress" of suffering. Aggression is inherently useful, it talks about mental health - that one does not deny the incident and not transferred to foreign strokes wines themselves. As clarified. Gabrielle Rubin "Hatred is a powerful emotion that is impossible to coerce disappear. If you do not focus on the offended us, it inevitably turns against us, risking in this unlocking process self-destruction. "Rarely have the opportunity to directly express their anger against the offended us, but we can do the following: to write what we feel, to tell their experiences of someone whom we trust, and if the situation is hopeless, consult a specialist. 4. Stop e